I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
He's married, but his wife isn't my neighbor so I don't feel bad about coveting him.
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
you were drinking a pitcher of what you called "16 loko" and making everybody guess what the secret ingredient was
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
i mad aa ber float. budweiser nd ice creem. it amzig.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Ended up in his bed... He's passed out holding me and his bulldog is laying across my legs. Both snoring. HELP!! I wanna go home!
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
