Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I'm pretty sure when you walk down Broadway and can pick out people you've slept with.. It might be a problem. I'm leaving for rehab tomorrow.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
Woke up next to a slice if pizza. From what i can tell I tried to plug it into my phone charger. No more blackout wednesdays for this girl.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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