I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Valentines day isn't about being a couple in love..... It's about chocolate and faking orgasms.
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
