Rub youre cunt and tell me you love me.
Your incorrect use of you're doesn't arouse me in the slightest.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
i need to know the scientific term for a guy's taint so i can explain what i did last night.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
I appreciate alcohol much more now that I have to be sober sometimes
I tried to open a bottle of wine with toenail clippers last night. So this morning was obviously rough.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
