He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
if you lined all their dicks up next to eachother, it would be like at&t bars
Of course he wants me there for his birthday. If a girl offers you a blowjob for every year of your life, you're gonna want her to be there.
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Please tell me there isn't another video of me on the toilet...
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
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