i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Actions speak louder than pants.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Thanks for alerting everyone in our apartment what your one night stand's name is. Could you scream a little louder?
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
There's a guy in here whose face looks like it would be perfect between my legs.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
It'd be good to change things up a bit, right now the only public service I'm doing from my apt is hanging out in my underwear with the lights on.
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