you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
They ran out of vodka so we started doing Body Doritos.
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
no, you don't understand how much people deal here. All I had to say was "hey lets buy a bag" and he pulled over instantly, then the randoms in the car behind us pulled over and sold us a bag.
This girl invited us back on the promise of weed and strudel...she delivered neither.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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