Riddle me this. What had unbelievable sex, and finally understands the meaning that things come better in pairs?
I hate you
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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