Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
These girls next to us are doing shots called bath salts. Sadly this is the classiest bar I've been to since i moved to PA
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