I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
Just cause I'm shitfaced wasted every night waking up in random beds all over Manhattan does not mean I'm a mess.
Truth. Respect the hustle.
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
Randomize
