I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
we were going to warn you, but we veto-ed that idea somewhere between "this is the stupidest thing we've ever done" and "let's order a pizza"
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
they're like a gay fantastic four
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
video games take priority over anything else you can offer me.
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
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