If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
I'm sorry but all I really read was "my nipples will get hard."
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
