i puked out the bus window last night on the way home. i remember it, but i don't remember everyone else screaming to put their windows up.
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
You don't think I'm weird or immature right?
No I think it's cute we had sex on your Bob the Builder sheets
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
So the drug dealer I'm sleeping with just got drugs from the other drug dealer I'm sleeping with
Isn't life beautiful?
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
