My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
How many times a week can a couple have a threesome with the same guy before it becomes some sort of 3-way relationship?
im just gonna lie here and collect money in this whoppers bag while sprawled out on this bench and explain that its to buy weed for my hangover
when you wake up in a apartment hallway wearing someone else's shoes, you can pretty much assume last night was a success.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I'll meet you in hell with unlimited boxes of wine though
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
