as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
I met the perfect girl for you, she's smart, likes cars, has at least one ear, and really blue eyes!
please elaborate on, "atleast one ear"
Are my feet made of real feet?
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
She has a lazy eye!
My other option is a hardwood floor
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
I'm never going out with the ashleys again. it was whoreible. terrifyingly whoreible.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
