this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
I can't wait to hear about your drunken cab ride to planned parenthood at 2pm
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
i bet he makes cat noises to excite himself.
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