I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
You could woo kevin with a boquet of breakfast burritos. He loves those burritos. You could use the hot sauce packets like babies breathe
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
