Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
Randomize
