Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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