remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
i forgot how loud opening a beer is in a house where your not allowed to drink
Two words: nipple clamps
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