Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
We didnt even know he was in the house until he came downstairs and asked why he was wet
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I just found out how I got home last night. The bartenders found me sitting in the brush peeing and called me a cab. Have you seen my underwear?
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