if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
After last night, I've decided I will now bang only men who professionally ride things for a living. I will accept jockeys, cowboys, bullriders, and pro bicyclists who lie and say they're bullriders.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
Randomize
