My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Sprained my ankle at sky zone REST ICE COMPRESSION ELEVATION AND SHOTS it'll all feel better soon
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
That's true because who the fuck doesn't love Harry Potter and beer
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
Randomize
