What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I can't. Currently naked covered in Nair trying desperately to catch his cat that rubbed up on my leg.
I hate that cat.
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
You want further proof that God hates me? Okay. We're on the way to the ER. A homeless man stabbed me at the gas station.
All right well I’m making her sugar cookies and sleeping with her husband tonight. Just another manic Monday
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
