Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
I just sprawled out on my bedroom floor and cried while shoveling chocolate into my mouth.. I should not have Bacardi at home
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
Walking into my bedroom & smelling stale sex & disappointment isn't how I envisioned being 39, in case you were wondering.
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
her nickname was handjob. I knew what i was getting into.
So here I am, sexting at work.
Randomize
