I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
Oh and jess is gonna pee in our guest bedroom to mark her territory.
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Is everyone touching their nose at me a sign that I should stop snorting vicodin off my phone in the bathroom at school?
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Walked off the dance floor to find Gabe hitting on a dad bod at the bar. It was my Dad. Awkward is an understatement.
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