i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
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