he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
worst night to have a conscience
once the tequila comes in everyone elses feelings go out the window.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
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