I want to bang chis in dee ass burt he be hating on me times two. Me be tryin ti love onu
Bendover
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
He sent me a snap of him eating a tamale shirtless. I think I might be in love.
LOCK HIM DOWN.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
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