We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
So the bartender from Applebees totally looks like he would take his clothes off for $40
I like how you possess the gift that turns normal guys into strippers
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
Randomize
