she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
she peed on how many people?
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
In my drunk state I was like I ONLY HAD SEX WITH SOMEONE ELSE BECAUSE HE WAS THE HOTTEST GUY IVE EVER EVEN SEEN
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Randomize
