I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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