drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
I enjoy that i have a whole shelf of clothes that I've accumulated from random sex. You know the ones you get to make the morning after look less awkward like similar to an athletes trophy shelf
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
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