have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Have you ever looked at the 750mL bottle of wine on the seat next to you knowing that it's just not going to be enough?
Each and every day.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
Tell them you aren't trying to make money, you are just the mr rogers of weed,its such a good feeling a very good feeling the feeling you know that were friends
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Where'd you go last night?
Don't EVER let me photobomb a group of lesbians again. They made me their "straight mascot" and I ended up singing Donna summer tunes for beers at their apartment complex.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
