Ben's a prick.
What Ben are you talking about?
All the bens across all the lands
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
I feel like I knew it was fucked up, but feared that god would take my dick away if I didn't use it last night.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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