he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
We all need desperate help. Maybe we should just become a group of people who walk around town and shit in peoples air vents
I'm down.
Walking back from greek row alone at 3:30am in a child's kangaroo suit...not my proudest moment
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
Currently emptying half-full wine bottles from fridge into my mouth and refilling with water for later. Drunk survivalist recycling!
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
I can't take 'get a man' advice from you. You'll stick your penis in a warm banana peel.
I do very much feel like vomiting. and I have no idea where that lighter came from. thank you for coming to my TED Talk.
Randomize
