you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I left your tip in your mailbox. Last night was amazing.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I don't know what to say to you.
I don't know what I said to you. Start with that.
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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