evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
