So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
We are the drunkest people in Toys R' Us right now
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
For some reason I just don't think you going to the gay bar alone on thanksgiving is a good idea.
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I'm full of champagne and rage, of course I'm showing up at his house.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
