I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Know what I do when I'm in that mood? Whenever anyone talks to me I just hiss like a cat. They go away.
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
just turned another straight guy gay. Goddamn the church must hate me
Randomize
