Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
If I die here, tell my vagina and my cats that I'm sorry.
Why is there never any toilet paper at his apartment? What does he wipe his ass with? WHAT DOES HE WIPE IT WITH?!?
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
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