Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
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