Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
Just puked. First it was bright neon blue then it turned to bright lime green. How does that even happen? And wtf was I drinkin last night?
Can you recommend a quality dick? I haven’t had a good sexing in a while
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