you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Did we literally take a cab across the street
And I just had to awkwardly tell 3 police officers that I was having sex and not in any trouble
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I asked my boss to leave early for a booty call. She said yes. See.... everyone sees it's important I get laid.
I'm seeing double so when I get home can we have a threesome?
He initiated the conversation by sending me a picture of his penis at 4 am
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
