Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
She's doing hand stands on the train as I type. Idk if I'm impressed it embarrassed. Or turned on.
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
