saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Osama's death just kick started our Cinco de mayo celebration. Margaritas for anyone wearing red white and blue!
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
You gotta pick a side. My suggestion: side with tits.
you ate the make a wish sign. Like actually chewed on it. It was our solution to going outside when the cops were there
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
Randomize
