There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I just watched videos of people getting puppies and crying, I cried too. Definitely still drunk
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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