Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I’m at that point in my trip where I’m kinda hot, kinda cold and I have to remember to breathe.
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
Randomize
