2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
I was so high I started singing Let It Go and then instantly started laughing 'cause I was eating ice. Everyone just stared.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
I just remembered something from last night. check your closet.
Randomize
