I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
I don't think there was a moment this weekend where grey goose did not course through my veins
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
Come through the front door when you get here.
Right now I'm so wasted I can't determine whats a door and a window.
I invited him to my hotel room via snapchat. I'm one hell of a classy bitch
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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