Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
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