Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
I thought 5 times was beyond my capabilities but her tongue was like a penis defibrillator. Clear!
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Randomize
