dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
I have your dog in a headlock. Se wants my mushrooms.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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