I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Do you remember our dinosaur noises from last night ? Breaaaahhhhhppp
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
