also, made friends with this 75 year old millionaire Tony who likes to mosh. Don't ask.
I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
He must have sensed I was about to trade him in...he's really stepped up his sex game
You are going to come home to a suitcase in the fridge. Just go with it.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
Randomize
