you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Apparently he ran around last night saying he was 'the hulk hogan of muff diving'
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
You declared your undying love to a drag queen, then proceeded to puke into the poor man's purse.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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