I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Thanks for setting a pic of your balls as my desktop background. You'll find you're cc'ed on the mass email of it.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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