I'm gonna get wrecked tn I might have to keep my phone at home cause I'm sure ill send you really weird txts
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
Broke my ankle and blacked out on my scooter last night. 'Twas grand.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
Randomize
