I wish I only lived at night.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I blacked out for most of the day but apparently I still met with my prof. I made notes...
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
No I’m scared man. She sharted. In my car. Wearing a dress. And I still like her.
Wow
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