Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
One of the Mormon boys that comes to the door is really sexy and I always think 'I would absolutely destroy your faith'
I'm having to shit out rocks
Nothing personal but yes I would be suspicious If I saw 3 guys and 2 girls in the same bathroom stall together
Randomize
