Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
She passed out in the backyard, making "face down" snow angels ... so they could have a smile.
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
I am in my freshman residence hall trying to convince an Asian man to give me my pants back. Never. Drinking. Again.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
Sunrise bitch. You owe me waffles
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
I tried saying sorry but instead I puked down her shirt and tried to clean it up... Now I have a bruise on my forehead. good news, before she left she wrote her number on my stomach with sharpie
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