when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
I found out why they kept calling her "CD". It was short for "Crab Dip". You're fucked.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
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