More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
My "Week Of Not Checking Into OK Cupid So I Don't Hook Up With Another Fat Chick" lasted four hours. On the plus side, she was the smallest one yet.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I'm. Arresyed bur sierra ue obbe of mt vet friends. I hope we can tyajk ane gwt ob the same page. Ur aweaome ttyl.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
Randomize
