mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
Like sorry you chose to have an attractive girlfriend dude
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
His middle name is Julius so I named his penis Caesar and told him he has to say "Hail Caesar!" whenever he comes. He didn't seem to like the idea, though.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
Met this british guy. Played pool. Broke into an apartment and had sex
Randomize
