No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
You know its a good sign when a girl asks who everyone is AFTER she flashes her tits to the room.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I made a wizard staff out of Keystone light... I am therefore the smoothest wizard in all of our university's history.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I'm really tired of this guy walking his chicken in my neighborhood.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
Randomize
